WARNING: Science-related education. Not suitable for the weak or the pregnant.
As many of you should already know, September 22 is….
Mali Independence Day! WOOOOT.
That was fifty years ago in 1960 Africa.
Forward 29 years. It is now 1989.
On the other side of the world, there is a star in the sky. It is bright. Three wise men see the special sign and they are told that a baby is born. A voice reveals the child’s fate to grow up to be a world-famous pop star loved by hundreds of avid fans. Her name… …is Cœur de Pirate and she is currently an award-winning Canadian singer. And today is her birthday!!!
All lameness aside, we all know that September 22, 1989 is the birthday of our very Hyoyeon! duh. What’s interesting is that 21 years ago, Hyo was born with a biological mutation in her genes. You know how normal people mature as they grow into adults? Well, something messed up in Hyo’s system and her maturity just… turns off sometimes.
But there’s no need to freak out- it’s completely natural. In fact, it’s pretty common in the KPop industry. There’s Kkab Kwon. And Kkab Yul. And of course Im Choding.
But when it comes down to it, there’s absolutely zero way a kkab list can be complete without Kim Choding.
What’s a choding? DON’T urban dictionary it. Instead, check out the Soshictionary and become enlightened. Now allow me to reveal the Very-Scientific-Hyoyeon-Study, demonstrating the genetic Choding mutation found in our choice Soshi- Kim Hyoyeon- from the days of baby Hyo to present-day Hyo. (can you please stop smirking at my cheesy transitions.)
As part of our extensive longitudinal case study, the professionals at Snsdkorean have been closely examining the behavioral glitches of Kim Hyoyeon.
Observe and learn.
0:12 shows signs of early developmental problems, including an inclination towards abusing others by means of crayon. 2:30 aptly shows current symptoms of the Choding mutation, including a desire to become so fly like a G6. Our hypothesis that the Soshi was a Choding was clearly validated.
As burgeoning Soshi Scientists, you readers must be aware that the Choding can attempt to disguise their mutation. This particular Soshi have mastered the art of deception. Over the course of three years, Hyo has made her name interchangeable with “Dancing Queen” and the fierce “Hyoraengi”. Quite obviously, she is now a dancing star with the capabilities to blow anyone away with her mad skills.
But I assure you- hidden behind her ingenious cover are the ever so prevalent traits of a Choding. Of course, the incurable Choding mutation can only be hidden for so long before it re-emerges, often in public areas.
We have noted some cases of a repressed Choding (left) and a Choding in its natural state:
Despite her occasional violent advances toward other Soshis, Kim Choding is generally very cheerful and good-natured. See instructional video #2:
You may have noticed her strange likings to nose hair and big butts and “Winfrah Oprey”, but these interests are all due to her Choding mutation. And these childlike Kkab traits are what makes her so interesting and lovable.
Even her dancing has contained traces of the mutation. As you will see in the next instructional video, Hyo’s dancing has been kkab through and through, from age 12 to age 20:
The Soshi’s 2010 tribal dance, commonly known as “Oh!” has even dedicated a major part of the choreography to the Choding. The part where they twirl their fingers around their hair is not a nod to traditional feminine habits, but instead, symbolizes the crazy nature of the resident Kim Choding. Speaking of “Oh!”, the Choding had been vigilant about adding what has been quite the boon- Kkab Poses. Persuading Yuri and Seohyun to do the same, Hyoyeon had made sure to strike a different kkab pose for each tribal performance.
What can this mean? Should we fear all Chodings? Should we alienate them from society?
The answer is a big fat hairy NO. After closely observing Hyo for 21 years, we have found that chodings are only a plus to the world. With their lively attitudes and dorky personalities, they are like happy pills except they’re not pills. Disguise or not, the Dancing Queen has shown that even a Choding can be a multi-talented tribal performer. With popping pops and wavy waves, Hyo has clearly mastered the art of dance, elevating her to the status of Enriched Choding.
Conclusion: As a Soshi Scientist, I can personally say that I benefited from the mutation of Kim Hyoyeon. Her cheerfulness is contagious and even an outsider to KPop can become addicted to her kkab from watching one instructional video. Thus, I welcome all you novice Soshi Scientists to become fans of the great Hyoraengi and spread the awe-inspiring chodingness. And with that,